Human Necessities
by Kumquat Emmy
Summary: Bella gets the chance to spend some time with the Cullen family and she learns just how hard living with vampires can be. What happens when vampires try to do normal, human activities? Hilarity ensues. Post-Eclipse.
1. Chapter 1

**Hey everyone! This is my first Twilight fanfic, so I'm dying to know what everybody thinks of it. I've had the idea for it in my head for a long time, and I've finally started getting it down in story form! It took a lot longer than I had thought it would... mostly because I kept adding little bits of fluff and changing my mind on things. Oh well, I hope you enjoy. Please review. :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of its characters. They belong to the magnificent Stephenie Meyer.**

--

I glanced longingly at the clock for the thousandth time. Still too early. I directed my attention to the pot of stew which bubbled on the stove. Stirring it with a large wooden spoon, I glanced at the clock again, hoping that time would have jumped forward while I wasn't watching. No such luck. Charlie would be home soon, but that wasn't what was making me nervous. Edward had been hunting with Emmett and Jasper and would be returning this evening. He had left yesterday afternoon and promised me he would be back as soon as possible, but it did nothing to calm my anxious thoughts. I had slept poorly without him, and I was looking forward to spending tonight with his cold form next to me.

Ever since we had told Charlie about our engagement Edward hadn't left my side for more than a few minutes. Charlie hadn't been happy in the beginning, but now that it had sunk in for a few days, he grudgingly accepted the fact that we were going to be married. He still treated Edward as coldly as before, but at least I was able to spend more time with Edward in Charlie's presence.

I was lost in my thoughts when I heard Charlie's cruiser pull up to the house. I turned the stove off and poured the stew into separate bowls while I listened to Charlie come in the door.

"Hi Dad," I called.

"Hey Bells. Mmm, something sure smells good." Charlie's head poked around the corner into the kitchen. "I'll be down in a minute."

I placed the bowls on the table while he went to his room to change out of his uniform. I took two glasses from the cupboard and gathered silverware for us both and set them on the table. I was looking over the meal, wondering if I was missing anything, when Charlie returned.

"Bella, I don't know how I survived without you," Charlie said, grinning. "I'm going to have to start exercising soon to work all of this food off."

I noticed that he seemed to be in a strangely good mood. "I highly doubt that," I said, returning his smile. "You may be eating more, but it's certainly better for you than eating take out every night."

We settled into comfortable silence while we ate. I was glad that Charlie didn't feel the need to continue uncomfortable conversation at every moment. The clock continued to crawl forward at a snail's pace, and I had to struggle to keep from looking at it every minute. I had finished and was bringing my empty dishes to the sink when Charlie cleared his throat.

"Bella, there's something I want to talk to you about." Charlie's voice was devoid of emotion as he stared nervously at his empty bowl.

I tried to contain the surprise which was surely etched on my face. It couldn't be anything bad, could it? Alice would have warned me if something horrible was going to happen, and Edward would have been here if it was something important concerning him. Charlie couldn't want to have another sex talk, could he? His last attempt at that had failed miserably, but now that he knew I was engaged, maybe he wanted to try again. I could feel my cheeks warm as I blushed. I put my dishes on the counter and returned to the table.

"What is it, Charlie?" I asked, trying to keep the nervousness out of my voice.

"Well Bells, you know I don't like leaving you alone. You tend to attract more danger than anyone I know." Charlie awkwardly looked down at his shoes. "Some of the guys at work were talking today about going to a game down in Los Angeles. They have an extra ticket and were wondering if I wanted to come along. I'd only be gone a week and I don't have to go if you don't want me to."

Charlie's eyes finally met mine. He looked like a little boy begging his mother for permission to have another piece of cake. I smiled as the anxiousness I was feeling was replaced with relief.

"Dad, you should go! You need a vacation. You've been so busy lately you probably haven't left Forks in months. I'll be perfectly fine at home," I said, hardly able to contain my anxiousness at the thought of having a week of freedom with Edward.

"That's another thing I wanted to talk to you about," Charlie said, his voice still serious. "I don't know if I should leave you at home alone. Who knows what could happen? I couldn't live with myself if something happened to you and there was nobody around to take you to the hospital."

I couldn't deny the truth in his statement. I was a danger to myself – a fact my medical record could prove. However, with Edward spending every moment with me, I knew that Charlie had nothing to fear. Unfortunately, Charlie didn't know about Edward's constant presence, and I needed to find a way to convince him that it would be okay for him to leave me home. Then an idea struck.

"I could spend a week over with the Cullens," I said, practically begging. "I'd enjoy spending more time getting to know my future in-laws. Besides, Alice has been waiting for me to go shopping with her for wedding things."

Charlie's face darkened slightly at the mention of the upcoming wedding. He was silent for a minute as he went over my suggestion in his head.

"Well, I suppose you could, but there would have to be strict rules while I'm gone." Charlie paused for a moment before continuing. "Either Carlisle or Esme have to know where you are at all times. I don't want you getting in trouble."

"No problem," I said. That wouldn't be hard, especially considering the fact that they could probably hear my heartbeat from more than a mile away.

"Second, I want you to think before you act with Edward. I know you two are engaged, but that doesn't change anything. You're smart Bella, and I trust that you won't do anything stupid that you'll regret later on."

Charlie looked uncomfortable coming so daringly close to the topic of sex, but his warning was clear. I knew what our limits were, and I doubted that even with our newfound freedom that we would ever cross our boundaries. Edward promised that we would go farther after our wedding, and I didn't want to push him.

"Third," Charlie continued, "I want you, Carlisle, or Esme to check in with me every evening. I'll keep my phone on me at all times if you need anything. I know you probably don't like it, but I don't want to be worrying about you my entire trip."

"Dad," I said. "You don't have to worry about anything. I'm sure that I'll be fine. I'll be living with a doctor if anything goes wrong, and I'm sure that I won't have a moment's privacy."

I thought about the fact that privacy in the Cullen house was a rare thing. With 7 individuals who all had an extraordinary sense of hearing, even normal conversations were likely to be overheard by someone. Not to mention the fact that every one of them seemed intrigued by the "cute, little human," and never wanted to miss one of my most embarrassing moments.

"You know how Alice likes to make me her dress-up doll," I continued, "I probably won't even have to pick out my clothes on my own. Trust me; I'll be in very safe hands."

"I hope so Bella," said Charlie. He got up and brought his dishes to the sink. "You had better call Carlisle now before it gets too late to make sure that it's okay if you spend the week. The guys were hoping to leave bright and early tomorrow morning."

With that, Charlie left the kitchen and headed off to the living room to check the current scores. I waited until I heard the TV click on, and picked up the phone to dial Carlisle's cell phone number. It rang twice when I heard the familiar voice on the other end.

"Hello?" asked Carlisle.

"Hi Carlisle, it's Bella."

"Bella, it's nice to hear from you. I'm surprised that you called me instead of Edward. Is something wrong?"

"No, everything is fine. It's just that Charlie is going to be out of town for the next week and I was wondering if…" I was interrupted by a scuffling noise on the other end of the line. An overly excited feminine voice erupted from the phone.

"Yes, yes, yes!" yelled Alice excitedly. I assumed she had just stolen the phone from Carlisle. "We can have so much fun, Bella! Just think! Seven whole days for us to plan your wedding! We can go over color samples, pick out bridal bouquets, finalize the guest list, and…"

"Alice!" I yelled into the phone. "I need to make sure it's okay for me to come over first. Could you please give the phone back to Carlisle?"

"Of course it's okay, Bella, but I'll let you hear it from Carlisle else you'll never believe me." Alice paused for a moment and continued, "Oh, and Edward will be at your house in about an hour. You might want to take a shower before he comes – you won't have much time in the morning. See you tomorrow!" Alice's chipper voice was replaced by Carlisle's smooth tone.

"Bella, we would love to have you spend the week with us. Tell Charlie that we will make sure nothing happens to you."

"Thanks Carlisle. I can't wait."

"We'll see you tomorrow morning then, Bella. Have a good night."

"Good night."

I placed the phone back in its cradle and went to the living room to tell the news to Charlie. After passing on Carlisle's message, I said good night to Charlie and wished him a good trip. I hurried to my room and packed a bag for the upcoming week. I grabbed my bag of toiletries and my pajamas then went to the bathroom to shower and brush my teeth. Human necessities now finished, I made my way to my room and slipped under the covers of my bed, snuggling into their comfortable coolness. I was tired, but I didn't want to let myself fall asleep before Edward returned.

I had just begun to drift off when I felt a touch that sent shivers up my spine. A cold hand swept the hair off of my forehead and a pair of cool lips lightly brushed across my temple. I smiled and opened my eyes to see a sight so beautiful that it almost brought tears to my eyes.

He was kneeling next to the bed, looking directly at me. The window cast bright moonlight on his face, making his pale features stand out even more than normal. I noted that he was smiling my favorite crooked smile. I looked into his eyes last – losing myself in their light butterscotch depths.

"Breathe, Bella," Edward whispered, his smile growing.

I let out the breath that I hadn't realized I had been holding in. Edward chucked quietly and sat down on the bed next to me. His hand stroked the side of my face as I continued to stare at him.

"I missed you," I finally managed to say after the shock of seeing his beauty had finally begun to wear away.

"I missed you too," his velvet voice replied. He leaned down and kissed my forehead. "Alice told me about your plans for tomorrow. I'm surprised that Charlie is willing to leave you alone for that long."

"I won't be alone," I said, leaning up towards his face. "You will be with me the entire time."

Edward leaned down and pressed his cool lips against mine. A shiver passed through me as I tasted the sweetness of his lips. Without wasting a moment, Edward pulled away.

"Are you cold?" he asked.

"No." I looked up into his worried face. "I'm just happy that you're home."

"You never fail to amaze me, Bella."

I smiled. "I'm far from amazing compared to you. I get a Greek god, and you get an ordinary human."

"Bella, Bella, Bella," he said into my ear. "You are anything but ordinary." He adjusted the covers comfortably around my shoulders and moved to the other side of the bed. Settling himself next to me, he reached over and ran his fingertips down the side of my cheek. "You should sleep.

Tomorrow will be a busy day."

I nodded and obediently closed my eyes. Edward began to softly hum a tune I didn't recognize, and I drifted to sleep.

--

"You don't want to sleep the entire morning away, do you Bella?"

I yawned and turned slightly to look at my alarm clock. I nearly bolted upright when I saw the time. It was 10:49 in the morning, and I had yet to do anything productive. I groaned and pulled the covers over my head, hoping to skink back into the comforting blackness of sleep.

"Bella, Alice is considering getting Emmett to come over here to drag you out of bed if you don't come soon. She wants to do your hair, and she's getting tired of waiting. I encourage you to get up soon unless if you would prefer to have Emmett break down your door."

I pulled the covers off of my head and frowned at Edward. "You would think that after all these years she would have learned a little patience."

Edward chuckled. "She hasn't had a lot of practice with waiting for humans to finish sleeping before. You should be thankful that she has even waited this long."

I stifled a yawn and stretched out leisurely under the covers. "Well, I wouldn't want to keep a vampire waiting. Give me a human moment and I'll be ready to go."

I carefully slipped out of bed, not wanting to fall, and grabbed a pair of jeans which were thrown over the back of my chair. Walking over to the closet, I pulled out a t-shirt and grabbed my toothbrush and hairbrush from the bag I had packed the night before. I headed to the bathroom to rush through my usual routine – thankful that Alice had warned me to take a shower the night before. I quickly brushed through my hair and tied it back. I brushed my teeth and pulled on my clothes. With a final look in the mirror I hurried back to my room.

Edward was waiting for me. My bag was in his hands and his face broke out in my favorite crooked grin when I walked through the door. He walked over to me and took the pajamas, toothbrush, and hairbrush from my hands and quickly put them into the bag.

"Ready to go?" he asked.

"Ready when you are."

"Then let's go."

Before I had a moment to think, his cold arms wrapped themselves around my waist and I found myself perched on his back. Within the blink of an eye he jumped out of my bedroom window and all I could see was the ground quickly approaching. My breath caught in my throat, but he landed softly and began running through the damp forest towards his home. I tightened my grip around his neck and my breathing became more rapid as I watched the tree trunks fly by inches away from my face. I didn't loosen my hold until we reached our destination.

Edward slowed to a halt in front of the large white house which was home to the entire Cullen family. I slid from his back and held onto his arm until the world stopped spinning.

"Bella, are you all right?" Edward's voice was full of concern.

"You… could… have… used… the… front… door," I gasped.

Edward's carefree laugh surprised me. "But where's the fun in that? Besides, your window was faster."

I didn't have a remark to answer with, so instead I opened the door and let myself into the house which would be, for a time, my future home. I stepped into the bright interior and immediately spied Emmett and Jasper on the couch watching TV. Emmett turned to look at me and grinned. Jasper looked my way and gave me a brief smile.

"Hi, Bella!" Emmett called. "How's my favorite human today?"

"I'm fine, though I would be better if your brother didn't decide that a window made a more acceptable exit than a doorway."

Emmett laughed. "What did you do, Edward? Throw her out the window?"

"Of course I didn't," Edward defended. "She was safely in my possession the entire time. She just doesn't find it as amusing as I did."

"Oh, it was a real laughing riot," I said sarcastically.

Edward took my hand in his. "Sorry Bella, but I had to get you here as fast as I could. Alice was thinking about doing something awful to the Volvo if I didn't get you here soon."

"Speaking of Alice," I said, "where is she?"

"She's upstairs on the computer. Some famous designer just decided to put previews of their new collection on the internet, so she is putting in pre-orders," Jasper explained.

I laughed and Emmett rolled his eyes.

"Bella," Edward said. "Let me put your things in my room, and then we can discuss what we can do today."

He was out of my sight before I could utter a word. I went to the couch and sat next to Emmett. Turning my attention to the TV I noticed that they were watching an old British sitcom set in a department store. I looked at Emmett and Jasper. "You two really like this stuff?"

I nearly jumped when Edward's voice answered me from behind. "They watch it nearly every day."

"They don't make good British humor like this anymore," Emmett said, smiling.

"So Bella," Edward said while leaning over the couch, "what would you like to do today?"

I was thinking about what I wanted to do when my stomach chose to give a mighty rumble that would have put even Edward's growl to shame. I realized that I hadn't eaten anything since the night before and now I was starving.

"Didn't you feed her this morning?" asked Jasper.

"Well, no," admitted Edward. "We were in a hurry to get here. I should have given her something before we left."

"Hello, I'm still standing right here," I reminded them. "And I am perfectly capable of feeding myself. You wouldn't happen to have any human food around, would you?"

Edward looked at me with concerned eyes. "I doubt it, but we can look."

We all headed to the kitchen and I opened the refrigerator door. What I saw shocked me. The fridge was practically bare except for a few random items. A bag of microwave popcorn, a jar of peanut butter, and a half-eaten package of hotdogs sat on the top shelf. A jar of cocktail onions was in the fridge door. I sighed and moved on to the cupboards. A few held plates and glasses, and I managed to find a box of ice cream cones, but otherwise they were bare.

"Well, it could have been worse," I admitted. "I'm surprised that you had any food here at all."

"We have to keep up appearances, Bella," Edward said. "Occasionally we have to go to the grocery store to pick up an 'emergency item' or two. It gets suspicious if one of the most prominent families in town never buys anything here. Usually we can get by with buying paper towels or something else that we can actually use. However, on occasion it is necessary for us to purchase other items to keep out of suspicion."

"I see," I said. "Well then, I guess we're going to have to go grocery shopping."

Abruptly a blurred pink figure gracefully raced into the kitchen. Alice suddenly stood before me, an angelic smile lighting up her excited face.

"Did I hear you say that we're going _shopping_?"

--

**So what did you think? Too fast? Too slow? What can I make better? PLEASE tell me, I'm dying to know what I can fix or improve on. I know that a lot of this chapter was just setting up for the actual "body" of the story, but I'd still love to know what's going on in your head about it. Please review… I'll give you a cookie!**


	2. Chapter 2

**First of all I'd like to thank everybody for their amazing reviews. I can't tell you how excited I get when I see that people have reviewed – it totally makes my day. You guys keep me wanting to write more and more! **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the characters; they belong to the wonderful and talented Stephenie Meyer.**

**Back to the story!**

--

"Did I hear you say that we're going _shopping_?"

"Well, I'm going to have to go to town for groceries. You don't have anything edible here," I turned my nose up at the thought of a meal composed of ice cream cones and hotdogs.

"On the contrary, you smell extremely appetizing," Emmett said.

Edward growled and glared at Emmett.

Emmett raised his hands in an apologetic way. "Seriously Edward, calm down. I wasn't going to eat her. I just told her how nice she smelled. Humans compliment each other's scents all the time, don't they Bella?"

"Well, yeah, I guess they do," I said, looking quizzically at Emmett.

"Come _on_ guys," Alice said impatiently. "We have shopping to do!"

"Wait a minute. What do you mean by 'we'?" I asked.

"Well obviously we're all coming with you." Alice placed her hands on her hips. "You can't expect us to just leave you there all by your lonesome, can you?"

I raised an eyebrow. "It's just grocery shopping. I've managed to do it perfectly well on my own for years. Seriously, I think I can survive just one trip on my own."

"Bella, don't be ridiculous," Jasper said. "How you've managed to survive this far without serious help is beyond me. I wouldn't trust you on your own for a minute."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence," I shot back.

"What Jasper is trying to say," said Emmett, "is that we'd love to go buy human food with you."

"_Please_ Bella?" Alice begged. "I don't have any memories of buying groceries from when I was human. Can we go with you, just this once?"

I thought it over. I was sure that I could survive a trip to the store on my own. Sure, I may trip and fall, but that was an everyday occurrence. Besides, leading a group of vampires who hadn't eaten food in years probably wasn't a very smart idea. On the other hand, I didn't want to leave Edward, and Alice had made a good point. By taking her along, at least I could make her happy and perhaps postpone the unavoidable makeover she was certainly planning.

"Well," I sighed. "I guess you all can come."

"This is going to be so much fun!" Alice squealed.

"Yeah, I guess," I groaned. "Come on, let's get this over with."

"Cheer up, Bella. It won't be so bad." Jasper gave me an encouraging smile.

A thought struck me. "Where is Rosalie? Would she like to come too?"

"She's out hunting. She left right before you got here this morning," Emmett answered.

Of course Rosalie had left. Out of all the Cullens, Rosalie was the only one who still didn't approve of Edward's relationship with me. We had been getting along better than in the beginning, but I knew that she still didn't approve of my wish to join her family.

"All right, I guess it will just be the five of us then," I said.

We all went outside and piled into the Volvo. Edward drove while I sat in the passenger's seat. Alice, Jasper, and Emmett all packed together in the back. On our way to the grocery store we stopped at convenience store where Edward bought me a cinnamon roll for a late breakfast. Before I knew it, we were standing outside of the grocery store.

"Here we are!" exclaimed Alice. "Come on! Let's go!"

"Wait a minute," I cautioned. "I want this trip to be as fast and painless as possible, so I think we should break up to save time." I pulled the shopping list that I had made out earlier from my pocket. "Edward, you're in charge of drinks. I'll need milk and some juice too."

"It would be my pleasure," he grinned.

"Jasper, you can get cereal. One box will be fine."

"Any particular kind?"

"Surprise me," I smiled and he nodded. "Emmett!"

"Yes ma'am!" Emmett puffed his chest out and saluted me.

"You're responsible for fruit and vegetables. I need a few apples, oranges, bananas, lettuce, and a pepper. Oh, and an onion too."

"Right away!" Emmett saluted me again.

"Alice, I need some body wash and tooth paste, so you're in charge of that."

"What a bore," Alice moaned. "I can handle lots more than that. Can't I have something else?"

I scanned my list. "Well... you could get me a toothbrush, if you'd like. I would probably take forever picking one out anyways, and it couldn't hurt to have an extra one at your house."

"Seriously Bella, is that the best you can do? You think a toothbrush is a challenge?" Alice pouted.

"You don't know how hard it can be to decide which kind to get," I retorted. "Besides, once your done you can go help your goofball brothers out."

Edward, Jasper, and Emmett had apparently gotten bored of my instructions and had moved on to the pop machine outside of the store. Emmett was violently shaking the entire machine, and Jasper was pushing buttons as fast as he could. Edward stood nearby fishing change out of his pockets.

"Boys!" Alice snapped. "What on earth are you doing?"

Emmett stopped shaking the machine and it noisily settled back into place. "We thought Bella might want something to drink while she went shopping, and Edward was taking_ forever_ with the change."

I rolled my eyes. "Guys, it's okay. I'm not thirsty. Please, please try to be inconspicuous. You are attracting too much attention to yourselves. I don't want any problems on this trip, else I'm never taking you anywhere ever again." I felt like a mother scolding her four-year-old.

"Don't worry, Bella," Emmett grinned. "We'll be so good, you won't even notice that we're here."

"We'll see about that," I mumbled.

"Come on! We're wasting our time sitting out here talking. Let's go!" Alice grabbed my hand and pulled me inside.

The Forks grocery store was one of the largest stores in town, but it was nowhere as big as the mega supercenters I was used to. I grabbed a cart and everybody went their separate ways. I glanced at my list and headed for the first aisle. Browsing through the spare selection of canned goods, I finally settled on one can of chicken noodle soup, one of ravioli, and two cans of corn. I put all of these in my cart and continued on. A few more items made their way into my cart as I made my way down the second aisle.

I was beginning to think that maybe – just maybe – this trip wasn't going to be so bad after all. I had successfully navigated two aisles without once having to deal with the arbitrary ways of my vampire family. I had hope that maybe this was going to turn out okay. That is, until I spied Emmett in the produce section.

He was standing next to an elderly lady who looked quite frightened by him. In each hand he held a cantaloupe and was thrusting them out into the face of the poor woman. I made my way over to see what he was doing.

"Can you just please tell me if one of these is ripe?"

The elderly lady slowly backed away from Emmett's wildly flailing arms.

"Come on. I don't know how to tell. I think you have to smell them or feel them or something. Can't you just feel my melons?" Emmett was getting frustrated, and from the look on the woman's pale face, she was about to bolt from the produce section as fast as she could.

"Emmett!" I called.

The woman took her chance while Emmett was distracted. She grabbed onto her cart and swung it around, nearly hitting a display of bananas, and quickly shuffled away.

"Bella, there you are. I was just about to come looking for you to see which one of these cantaloupes you preferred…" Emmett nervously looked at me, his eyes not quite reaching mine.

"I can't believe you just asked that poor old woman to feel your melons," I snickered.

Emmett grinned. "She never did tell me if they were ripe or not. Where did she go, anyway?"

"I think you scared her off with your flailing," I smiled. "But please, let's keep the fruit frivolity down to a minimum, shall we? You don't want to get kicked out for sexually assaulting old ladies."

Emmett's grin grew. "Okay, fine. Here, I got some of the things you asked for." He placed a head of lettuce, a bag of apples and oranges, and a green pepper in the cart.

"Thanks Emmett. How about you go find Edward and help him?" _That should keep him out of trouble_, I thought.

"Sure thing Bella. See you in a bit!" Emmett walked off in search of Edward.

I sighed and looked around for the few things that Emmett had missed. I added a few things to my cart and went in search of the remaining items on my list. I was crossing the aisles when I happened to look down one to see Jasper. He was staring intently at the large selection of cereals that took up the greater portion of an entire aisle, completely absorbed with the multitude of selections. He was concentrating so intensely that I thought it best to leave him alone and continued on my way.

A went down another aisle and pasta, sauce, and some other items got added to my cart. I only had a few more items to go, and I was beginning to worry that I hadn't heard back from anyone. With their super human abilities it shouldn't have taken them so long to come back with a few simple things. Yet, if Emmett was any example, who knows what trouble they could have gotten into? I was absorbed in my thoughts when I turned into another aisle and spotted Alice.

She was sitting cross-legged in the middle of the aisle with no less than twenty bottles of body wash and shampoo, all open, around her. She was taking one after the other, smelling them, looking them over, and putting them back on the floor. She looked up from her work and gave me a look of frustration.

"Bella, thank goodness you're here. I'm having the worst time deciding on which one of these to get you!" She picked up a bright green bottle of shampoo. "This one is extra conditioning and will help your split ends the most, but this one," she picked up a pink bottle, "has the best scent, and I know you'd love it." She put both bottles back down. "This one," she pointed to an orange bottle of body wash, "has scrubbing beads which will make your skin smoother." She picked up a black bottle of body wash next. "This one would help your dry elbows the most, and I don't know which one to choose!"

I couldn't help but laugh at the absurdness of it all. "Alice, you're the one who can see the future. Can't you see what one I'm going to get?"

"I can't see it until I make a decision, and I keep changing my mind so quickly that nothing has set itself in stone yet," Alice pouted.

"Here, let me help you." I grabbed the pink bottle of shampoo and the orange bottle of body wash. "Now I've decided, so you can clean this mess up before someone gets mad."

"Fine," Alice sulked.

"Oh, and would you mind going to help Jasper once you're done? I saw him earlier, and it looked like he could use some help."

"Of course, Bella," Alice smiled. She began closing bottles and screwing caps back on.

"Thanks Alice, I don't know what I would do without you." I placed the two bottles into my cart and went on my way.

--

**So there you have it! Sorry to break it off at such a funny time and leave you hanging, but you're just going to have to wait to see what the others are up to.**

**I'd love to know what you're thinking, so please review! I'll give you a cookie… **


	3. Chapter 3

**Yay! I updated more quickly this time, but it's a little shorter. I hope you don't mind. Thanks for all of the sweet comments that I've received. I swear, some day I'm going to explode from all of the warm fuzzies you readers make me feel.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or any of the products named.**

--

"Thanks Alice, I don't know what I would do without you." I placed the two bottles into my cart and went on my way.

I was hurrying now. I didn't linger as I quickly searched for the remaining items on my list because there was no time to lose. If I didn't get done soon, who knows what could happen? Emmett and Alice had already almost gotten themselves thrown out, and I just hoped that Edward and Jasper would have more sense than they did. Then again, I was dealing with a family of vampires who hadn't been grocery shopping for decades. I was putting a loaf of bread into my cart when I heard Edward's voice coming from an aisle to my left.

"Honestly, I have no idea, Emmett."

My interest inspired, I poked my head around the corner of the aisle to see what they were up to. The sight made me stop dead in my tracks.

Edward and Emmett were standing next to each other in front of a refrigerated selection of bottled drinks that was so large that it took up almost an entire side of the aisle. There were drinks of every kind: bottled water, cans of soda, energy drinks, sports drinks, and bottles of every type of juice ever imagined, just to name a few. Edward's head was cocked to the side and his brow was creased in puzzlement. Emmett's mouth was hanging open and he was squinting with severe focus at the wall of drinks in front of him. Edward turned to me and gave me a dazzling smile.

"Bella." His velvet voice drifted over me like a light breeze.

My hands clutched the handle of the cart with such force that my knuckles were turning white. The last thing I needed now was to trip and fall, so I gripped it with all my strength. I managed to stagger my way over, fighting desperately at the force which made me want to throw myself at him. Edward placed a gallon of milk and a carton of orange juice into the cart.

"Anything wrong?" I managed to say.

"Everything is fine," Edward said.

"What were you and Emmett talking about before I came?" I was still curious about their puzzling expressions from before.

"Nothing of great importance," Edward said.

"Hey! Maybe Bella can help us. She's pretty smart for a human you know," Emmett said, nudging Edward.

Edward sighed. "Bella, perhaps you could explain something to us…"

"Okay… what is it?"

"Why in the world are there so many?" He gestured towards the multitude of drinks. "I just don't see the point in them all."

"I still think it's because people are too lazy to do dishes. They don't want to wash all of those glasses," Emmett said.

Edward rolled his eyes. "I'm sure that is not the case." He picked up a bottle of water and looked at it closely. "It's no different than tap water. Do you have any idea, Bella?"

"I honestly don't know why there are so many," I admitted.

"Maybe she isn't as smart as I thought," Emmett muttered.

"Hey, I heard that!"

Just then Edward's face darkened. Emmett shot him a concerned look.

"Look, I didn't mean to insult her. Man, you really can't take a joke, can you?"

"No, it's not that." Edward turned to face me. "Bella, we should go."

"What? Why? What's wrong?" The worried look on Edward's face was making me flustered.

"Nothing is wrong, but it would be better if we left soon. There are some visitors here, and I don't think we want to run into them."

My eyes widened in panic. "Visitors?" My voice cracked as my mind painted visions of the Volturi in Forks.

"Everything is okay, Bella," Edward soothed. He placed his hands on my shoulders and looked into my eyes. "It's only Jessica and Lauren, but their thoughts are particularly hostile right now, and they are headed this way."

I hadn't seen my ex-friends since graduation. It seemed like a decade before, even if it had only been a few weeks ago. News of Edward and I's engagement had spread like wildfire around Forks, and undoubtedly they had been one of the first ones to know and spread the news. They had always been fond of gossip, especially if it was about someone they disliked as much as me.

"Bella," Edward's voice broke through my thoughts. "If you don't want to bump into them, we should leave this aisle now. They'll be here in about 30 seconds."

I bit my lip. "I'll stay. I don't want to run away from something as petty as them."

I heard Jessica's cruel laughter coming from near the checkout stands. I could picture her and Lauren walking down the aisles, ridiculing some poor individual who happened to be the object of their loathing for that moment. Their muffled voices became clearer as they neared the aisle where we stood, and I was just able to pick out Lauren's words as the pair rounded the corner.

"… probably got her pregnant, for all we know." They began to laugh, but it was cut off quickly and they stopped suddenly when they spied Edward, Emmett, and I in the aisle ahead of them.

Edward stiffened beside me. From the way they had broken off their laughter, I knew that I was the one who they had chosen to be the victim of their criticism. That must be why Edward had warned me about their thoughts.

Jessica must have gotten over the initial shock of seeing us and walked towards us. Lauren paused for a moment, but quickly caught up with Jessica, her cumbersome heels clacking noticeably in the awkward silence.

I plastered a fake smile on my face and tried to hide the spite from my voice.

"Hi guys." I had to struggle to keep myself from glaring at them.

Lauren shot me a bitter look. "Hello Bella. Emmett. Edward." She nodded to us each in turn.

"Hello ladies," Edward said calmly. "Out shopping?"

"Obviously," Jessica scoffed. "Excuse us." She proceeded to elbow me out of the way as she strode towards the large selection of bottled water, Lauren trailing only a few steps behind.

Emmett, Edward, and I stood off to one side and watched as the two selected their choices. Jessica grabbed a light blue bottle of water, but Lauren stopped her before she had taken it off of the shelf.

"You really don't want that one. It has a bad aftertaste. Here, get this one." Lauren handed Jessica a bottle from a different brand and took one for herself. "You'll be glad you got this kind. It's more expensive, but it's so much better than tap water, you'll never be able to drink from a drinking fountain again."

"Ugh, tap water? I would probably get sick if I drank that filth," Jessica said.

Lauren turned around to see all of us gaping at her. "What are you staring at?" She sneered. "Come on Jess, let's get out of here."

The two of them left us in a hurry, Lauren pausing for only the briefest second to give me another sour look. The sound of her heels had faded when Edward finally spoke.

"I don't think I'll ever understand," he murmured.

"Understand what?" Emmett asked. "Girls, or bottled water?"

"Both," Edward answered in a gloomy tone.

I went up to the shelves which held all of the brands of bottled water and looked them over. I saw nothing different between the kind that Jessica and Lauren had gotten and every other one there except for the way that they were packaged. I grabbed a bottle of the one that the girls had insisted on. I took a closer look and began to laugh.

"What's so funny?" Emmett asked.

"Look," I said, pointing to the label on the bottle. "The brand name spells 'naïve' backwards."

Edward chuckled. "Fitting, don't you think?"

"Definitely," grinned Emmett.

I put the bottle back on the shelf and pulled out my shopping list again. I only had a few things left, and after my encounter with Jessica and Lauren I could not wait to leave.

"Could you guys get me some lunch meat while I check up on Alice and Jasper? They've been gone a long time. Cereal can't be that hard to pick out, right?"

"We'd be happy to," Edward said.

"Meet you back by the cash registers!" Emmett smiled. He grabbed Edward's arm and began pulling him away. "Come on, Edward. It's time for us to hunt for the human!"

Edward gave me an apologetic look and allowed himself to be dragged away by Emmett.

I grabbed my cart and made my way back to the cereal aisle, anxious to see what Alice and Jasper had gotten themselves into this time.

--

**There you have it! Hopefully in the next chapter I'll wrap everything up and get them out of the grocery store. Unfortunately, I don't know what I'm going to do with the story after then, so if you have any ideas or things you'd like to see, be sure to pass them on!**

**Please review; I'll give you a cookie! :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello my precious readers! Have I told you lately how much I love you all? No? Well… here it is. I LOVE YOU ALL TO PIECES! I practically squeal with joy every time I get a review, and I can't wait to reply to them all! Thanks for all of your support – it rocks my socks off. **

**Sorry it took me so long to update. Things are getting crazy around here with the end of school and graduation only a jump, hop, and a skip away. I'll try to do better in the future!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of the products mentioned/alluded to in my story. :)**

--

I grabbed my cart and made my way back to the cereal aisle, anxious to see what Alice and Jasper had gotten themselves into this time.

I heard them before I saw them. Alice's bell-like voice carried easily, and I could tell that something was wrong. Her voice was raised, but the words were still unclear. As I approached the aisle I was seeking, I could hear Jasper's voice mixed in with Alice's. Curiously I pushed my cart to the source of all the noise.

Alice and Jasper were standing in the middle of the aisle facing each other. Alice had one hand on her hip; the other held a box of cereal. Jasper stood in front of her, also clutching a box of his own.

"I'm telling you, Jasper," Alice hissed. "This will be better for her! She may not like it at first, but in the long run it will be what's best. Trust me. _I know_." Alice frantically waved the box in Jasper's face as she talked. From my position I could make out the words 'fiber' and 'multigrain' written in bold letters.

_Yuck_, I thought. One thing that I couldn't stand was over-the-top healthy cereals. They all looked and tasted like cardboard, no matter what you did to them. Milk just made them taste like soggy cardboard, and adding fruit was just as pointless. No matter what way you cut it, they were a lost cause to begin with.

"Of course you _know_," Jasper argued, "but she put me in charge of cereal, and you know that she'll like mine better! It's full of chocolate goodness, and it even turns your milk into chocolate milk. Besides, look." He pointed to the cartoon vampire on the front of the box. "You know how Bella _loves_ vampires."

Alice rolled her eyes. "Bella, come settle this." She motioned for me to come and join her. I had been trying to hide behind a display of granola bars so that I could listen and not be seen, but obviously it hadn't worked in the least. I grimly walked over to them.

"Come on Bella," Jasper encouraged, holding out his box of cereal. "You know that you want my cereal more. It has chocolate and vampires! It's perfect for you!"

"Bella, be reasonable. This one is much healthier for you. It may not have chocolate in it, but it will keep you regular!" Alice held her box out to me as well.

I looked at the cereal box held in Alice's hands and suddenly felt an irrational sense of revulsion sweep over me. I had to turn my head away because I was afraid that if I looked at it any longer I was going to vomit.

"Jasper, that's cheating!" Alice smacked Jasper's arm, and the sensation faded away.

Jasper chuckled. "I just thought I'd make it more apparent to Bella which one she would prefer to have, that's all."

"You're not helping any." Alice glared up at Jasper. "Come on Bella, choose."

I looked at both boxes with a critical eye. On one hand, Jasper was right. I _would_ like his better, and since he was in charge of getting the cereal in the first place, I didn't want to let him down. Then again, Alice had always been right in the past, and I hated betting against her.

"You might want to hurry up," Alice cautioned. "Emmett just decided that he would much prefer shopping some more over waiting with Edward, so he's going back to the produce section."

I grabbed both boxes as quickly as I could and threw them into my cart. "There. Shopping complete," I said with a grin. I couldn't choose to be picky when there was a vampire with the attention span of a two-year-old on the loose.

We made our way towards the checkout stands in the front of the store. Edward was standing near a rack of magazines waiting for us, but Emmett was not with him. I raised my eyebrows and gave Edward an inquiring look as we approached.

"He's over there," he said, answering to my quizzical expression. He gestured towards the produce section, where I could just see Emmett's hulking form among the brightly colored fruits and vegetables.

"Can we please check out and get out of here?" I asked, not wanting to tempt fate another time. It was a miracle that we hadn't been thrown out of the store yet, and I knew that it was only a matter of time until our luck ran out.

Alice took the cart to the only open checkout stand where a middle-aged woman was working. She had been reading a tabloid magazine, and hastily put it away as we moved our way towards her. She gave us a quick smile as we crowded around the stand.

"Hi there. Did you find everything all right?" Her tone was professional, but I couldn't help but notice her eyes lingering on Edward and Jasper for more time than was necessary. However, she quickly averted her eyes when she noticed Alice and I glaring darts in her direction.

"Yes, we found everything just fine," I said, allowing a touch of acid to creep into my voice.

The woman began scanning our groceries without another word. I silently urged her to go faster, and my patience was running thin. I was counting down the minutes until we could finally leave and return to the relative safety of the Cullen house.

"Your total comes to 52.48," the woman announced.

I reached into my pocket and pulled out a small wad of bills. I was just starting to separate them when Edward placed cool hand on top of mine.

"Bella, how about you go get Emmett? I'll take care of it."

"I'm absolutely capable of paying for it myself," I pouted.

"Honestly, you're going to have to get used to it sooner or later," Alice said. "Besides, you really should go get Emmett. He's going to need some persuasion if we expect him to leave without a struggle."

I sighed and grudgingly put my money back into my pocket. The argument was obviously over before it had even started. "Fine. But I'm not happy about it."

"Actually, you're feeling quite relieved," Jasper declared. "Any particular reason?"

I felt myself blush. Stupid vampire abilities.

"Let me guess, you didn't have enough cash?" Jasper was too perceptive for his own good.

"Maybe," I admitted. I could feel my blush spreading to the tips of my ears.

"It's fine," Edward chuckled. "I'll take care of it. You go get Emmett before he does something irrational."

I sulked off, not wanting to be any more embarrassed than I already was. I had grabbed what little cash was on my dresser before Edward had taken me to his house, but it wasn't quite enough to cover the entire cost of the bill. I was at least thankful that I hadn't decided to come alone.

From where I was standing I could see Emmett in the produce section. Not far from him stood the elderly lady from before. She apparently had returned, hoping that Emmett had left and that she could shop in peace. She held a bunch of bananas in her arms, and was staring at Emmett with wide eyes. He had his back turned to me, doing something I couldn't quite see. He was bouncing up and down enthusiastically. As I closed in, I could hear that he was singing with a thick English accent.

"I've got a lo-ve-ly bunch of coconuts. There they are standing in a row. Big ones, small ones, some as big as your head! Give 'em a twist, a flick of the wrist, that's what the showman said." Emmett bounced up and down as he sang, and I couldn't help but grin as I watched him.

He was arranging coconuts in a line along their display according to size while singing his outrageous song. Occasionally he would throw one up into the air in time with the words. The elderly woman was looking at him with evident shock.

"Emmett!" I hissed. "Stop that right now!"

Emmett turned to look at me. "What? I wasn't doing anything wrong. Besides, Edward was being extremely boring."

I grabbed his wrist and attempted to pull him towards the door. "Come on, Emmett. We're leaving!"

"Give me just a second." Emmett grinned mischievously and removed my hand from his wrist. He grabbed the two largest coconuts from the end of his line and approached the elderly woman who was now looking at both of us with alarm.

"Excuse me ma'am, but you look like you could use some coconuts. I've got a lovely pair right here for you that I know will make your husband at home proud of you. Now, I know you wouldn't squeeze my melons for me earlier, but I insist that you give these a pinch. They're as firm as can be, and as big as boulders!"

I was staring at Emmett with my mouth hanging open in shock. I could feel the heat rising off of my cheeks as I blushed a brighter red than the tomatoes I was next to. I was extremely embarrassed, but I was also having a hard time trying to control my laughter. The woman looked at Emmett with a bewildered expression.

"You don't want to feel my coconuts either?" Emmett looked slightly discouraged. "No matter, I'll just set them here for you in case of you change your mind." He placed the coconuts into the woman's cart and turned to face me. "Shall we go, Bella?"

I nodded eagerly and practically ran out of the store as fast as I could, trying to control the giggles that were threatening to come out. Emmett trailed behind me. Everyone else was waiting in the car for us and I swiftly slid into the passenger's seat.

"What took you two so long?" Edward asked, starting the engine.

"Emmett thought that a poor woman wanted to pinch his coconuts!" I managed to say before doubling up in laughter.

"It's not my fault she kept staring at me. I thought I would be kind and offer to share," Emmett chuckled.

Jasper snickered. "Wait until Rosalie hears about this one."

"You wouldn't dare!" Emmett rumbled.

"I wouldn't?" Jasper asked with a teasing smile.

The ride back to the Cullen house was quick and uneventful. Once we had arrived, Emmett and Edward each carried two bags of groceries into the house and set them on the counter in the kitchen. Alice and I were unpacking them and placing items into the cupboards when a flash of movement in the corner of my eye grabbed my attention. Rosalie had entered the kitchen and was surveying the grocery bags with an incredulous eye.

"Hello Bella. How was grocery shopping?" Her tone was flat, but friendly.

"Oh, it went as well as can be expected," I answered.

"What she means is it was all fine except for Emmett harassing old ladies," Jasper added.

Rosalie glared at Emmett. "WHAT?"

"He asked an elderly woman to pinch his coconuts!" Jasper snickered.

Edward was chuckling by this time. "Before that he asked her to squeeze his melons."

Emmett glared ominously at Jasper and Edward. "I'm going to _kill_ you two if you don't shut up!"

"Too bad, I'm already dead." Jasper grinned broadly at the now fuming Emmett.

"Emmett!" Rosalie snapped. "They should be the least of your worries! You aren't going to know what hit you once I'm through with you! You had better be upstairs in three seconds else I'm going to…"

"Aw, come on Rose," Emmett pleaded. "I didn't mean anything by it."

"Upstairs. Now."

Rosalie's threat must have worked because before I knew it, Emmett and Rosalie had disappeared from the room faster than I could see. Alice was putting the last few items into the refrigerator when she turned and glared at Jasper.

"Now you've done it. They're going to be no fun at all tonight now, thanks to you."

Jasper just rolled his eyes. "Give them an hour to cool off and they'll be fine. You know how it goes with those two."

The groceries had all been put away now, and Edward and I moved into the living room. I sat down on one of the couches and Edward sat next to me and wrapped his arm around my shoulders.

"That wasn't so bad now, was it?"

"It could have been worse," I mused. "At least we didn't get kicked out."

"We were close at one point when Jasper and Alice were fighting. The manager thought we were creating a negative shopping experience for the other customers." He smiled my favorite crooked grin.

"Figures," I smiled. "But I must say, I sure hope hunting with vampires is easier than going grocery shopping with them. I thought this would be straightforward, but it wasn't nearly as convenient as I thought."

Edward smiled and changed the subject. "So, what would you like to do for the rest of the day?"

"I honestly don't care," I admitted. "So long as I can do it with you, I'm fine with whatever happens."

--

**There you have it! Be sure to look up the song Emmett was singing – it's pretty hilarious. **

**Thanks to ****perpetual.marble**** for the idea of using Count Chocula cereal. I told you I'd try to work it in!**

**So now, I'm stuck with a bit of a dilemma. I have no idea where the story is going from here until the next day (I have the next day planned out, but no clue how to get there, hehe). So… an entire evening of the Cullens, and I have no idea what is going to happen. I have a few ideas, but I'm not completely sold on any of them. If there's something that you'd like to see, share! Write it with a review or send me a message. If I use it, I'll be sure to give you credit. If I really love the idea, you can probably expect a quick update. **

**Please review, oh-so-lovely readers! I'll give you a cookie!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Once again I'd like to say thanks to all of my reviewers. I loved your suggestions! This chapter isn't quite as humorous as the others (in my opinion), but I managed to slip in a few funny moments.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of the characters.**

--

The remainder of the afternoon passed quickly. Edward and I watched TV together on the couch in peace for most of the time. Emmett and Rosalie hadn't yet returned from their room, and Edward told me that I really didn't want to know what was going on. Alice and Jasper passed through the living room a few times, but never bothered to disturb us. The afternoon was serene compared to the frenzied morning that I had endured.

The show we had been watching ended and as the credits filled the screen, Edward unwrapped his arms from around me and stood up. I looked at him with confusion.

"You didn't eat lunch Bella, and it's nearly time for dinner. You've got to be hungry," he explained.

At the mention of food, I noticed that I _was_ actually hungry. I had been too preoccupied earlier focusing on Edward's cool arms wrapped around me to notice it. My delayed breakfast earlier had kept the hunger away, but it was all but worn off now, and I could feel my stomach aching in protest.

"I suppose you're right," I stood up and stretched. "What's on the menu for tonight?"

"Whatever you desire. Your wish is my command." Edward looked at me with a smile.

"You're going to cook?" I asked.

"This _is_ my house. It is only proper for the host to cater to the needs of the guest."

I rolled my eyes. "We're going to be married in a few months. I'm practically family, and I'm perfectly capable of cooking for myself."

"Indulge me," he grinned.

We went to the kitchen and I sat in a chair at the kitchen table as I watched Edward prepare. He removed a package of rice from one of the cupboards and placed it on the counter. He went over to the stainless steel fridge and took out a package containing a small raw chicken breast, then rummaged in the freezer before removing a package of frozen broccoli. He placed all of the food on the countertop and swiftly took out two pots and a skillet from a cupboard and placed them on the stovetop.

Before I knew it, the chicken was beginning to sizzle in the skillet and water was boiling in the two pots, ready for the broccoli and rice to be added. Edward was leaning on the counter as he watched the food cook. Emmett walked through the kitchen doorway, his nose turned up in disgust.

"What is that stench? It smells like something died in here." Emmett walked over to the stove and prodded the chicken with his finger.

"It was dead before it got here," Edward mused.

I looked at the clock on the stove and stood up. "We should probably add the rice now if it's going to be done by the time the chicken is ready."

I reached across the stovetop to grab the bag of rice. As I took it, my arm brushed against the handle of one of the pots of boiling water and it tipped towards me.

Edward's hand shot out lighting fast to keep it from completely spilling over, but he wasn't fast enough to prevent some of the boiling water from falling out. I watched the scalding water fall as if it were in slow motion. I let out a gasp of pain as the steaming water landed on my bare foot.

As soon as the tears began to prickle in my eyes, I was in Edward's arms. He scooped me up and placed me on the counter with my foot in the sink. He quickly turned the cold water on and I felt the soothing relief as the water ran over my foot. It had all happened so quickly I hardly had the chance to realize what had happened. Then my tears began to flow in earnest.

"Bella? Are you okay? How badly does it hurt?" Edward was frantically examining my foot under the running water, being cautious not to touch the tender skin. I could see the bright pink area where the water had landed. "Emmett, get Carlisle."

"No," I objected. "I'm fine." My voice cracked, betraying my pain.

"Are you sure?" Edward looked into my tear-filled eyes, searching for an answer to ease my discomfort.

I hastily tried to wipe the tears from my eyes. The cool water was keeping the pain bearable, but my tears kept coming. "I'll be okay, just give me a minute." I squeezed my eyes shut and tried not to focus on the pain. I felt Edward's hands – even colder than the water – holding my foot gently. Finally the tears stopped and I was able to look back at Edward's face.

"Does it feel better?" He asked, his face filled with concern.

"Much." I forced a small smile, and he seemed to relax.

"Would you like to sit somewhere a little more comfortable?"

My back had begun to ache from the awkward position I was in on the counter, and I nodded.

Edward gently removed his hands from my foot. Without a word he took a dish towel from a drawer, filled it with ice from the freezer, and handed it to me. He turned the water off and picked me up again, then tenderly placed me on one of the chairs around the kitchen table. He took the towel from my hand and carefully placed it on my foot. I could feel the coolness of the ice within, and it felt like heaven.

"Is that better?" He asked.

"Much better," I gave Edward a quick reassuring smile.

I didn't notice Emmett until he crouched down next to my chair, coming face-to-face with me.

"Bella?" He asked, his eyes full of longing.

"Yes Emmett?"

I heard Edward chuckling at my side. Emmett glared at him.

"Be quiet and let me ask! You get to do everything with her, and I want a turn," Emmett grumbled.

"Okay, okay. Go ahead and ask her." Edward was trying to hide the smile on his face.

"Ask me what?" I inquired.

"Can I cook for you? Please, please, please?" Emmett begged. "I'm sure I'll do great with it – you don't have to worry. I'll be extra careful not to ruin it or anything."

I laughed, momentarily forgetting the faint pain of my foot. "Of course you can cook for me Emmett. It has been started already, and I should probably stay away from the stove." I eyed it with a weary glance.

Emmett beamed. He rushed over to the stove and opened the bag of rice that had been the cause of all the trouble and poured a large portion into one of the pots of boiling water. Next, he opened the bag of broccoli and poured some into the other pot. He flipped the chicken over with his fingers and adjusted the heat by turning one of the knobs on the front of the stove.

"If you want, I got some lemon pepper for the chicken if you'd like to season it. It should be in one of the cupboards," I pointed out.

Emmett hunted through the cupboards until he found the seasoning. With a large flourish, he liberally shook it out over the meat. He took a spoon from one of the kitchen drawers and stirred the broccoli and rice.

"Am I doing okay?" Emmett asked.

"You're doing great. I can't wait to eat." The smell of the food was mouthwatering, and my stomach ached in longing.

Edward sat by me with my injured foot propped up on his leg while Emmett cooked. He didn't say anything, but seemed to be brooding over the fact that he hadn't been able to prevent me from getting injured. Occasionally, he would watch what Emmett was doing, probably making sure that he wasn't ruining my dinner.

"I think it's done," Emmett declared, much to my enjoyment. He pulled a large plate and a glass out of a cupboard. He filled the plate with food, and poured a glass of milk. Once this was done, he brought it over to the table.

"Voila! Your dinner is served," Emmett grinned.

Apparently, Emmett had never heard of portion control. The plate was piled high. There was probably enough rice to serve a family of five, and just as much broccoli to go with. The small chicken breast looked tiny in comparison.

"Try it," Emmett urged while handing me a fork. "Tell me what you think."

I took a bite of the broccoli first. It was cooked well, but it was missing something.

"Do you have any salt?" I asked.

"Your wish is my command," Emmett said, and proceeded to get a salt shaker from a cupboard. "May I?" He asked, gesturing towards my food.

"Go right ahead," I smiled, not wanting to disappoint his vicarious mood.

Emmett shook the salt shaker gently, but nothing came out. He shook it a bit harder, but still nothing happened. Finally he gave it a hard whack on the end, and I watched with dismay as the lid popped off, and salt saturated my dinner.

"Oh no," Emmett groaned. "I'll fix it!"

Before I had the chance to tell him otherwise, Emmett was at the sink with my plate. He took a large colander out of a cupboard and poured my entire plate into it with one quick motion. He turned the water on, and ran my entire meal under the pouring stream. When this was finished, he shook the colander furiously to dislodge any leftover water and poured the lumpy mess back on the plate. He brought it back, and placed it in front of me.

"There you go. Good as new." He gave my plate an uncertain glance.

I stared wide-eyed at the soggy mess in front of me. The chicken looked like it was drowning in a sea of snow and trees. I picked up my fork, not wanting to be impolite, and tried a bite. It was waterlogged and mushy, and still tasted strongly like salt.

"Mmm," I feigned, trying to please Emmett.

"It's actually good?" Emmett asked, still not convinced.

"Despite the appearance, it tastes fine." I hoped my lie wasn't showing too badly on my face. In all honesty, I was so hungry at the moment that I would have eaten it anyway.

I continued eating and tried to ignore the peculiar texture of my meal. I slowly choked down every salty bite. Drinking the milk made it easier, and my glass was soon almost empty. I was going to ask Emmett if he would be willing to refill it for me when I noticed that Alice had come and was standing behind him. I had been focusing so much on getting my food down that I hadn't noticed that she had entered. She was soundlessly staring at me with intent eyes, never blinking.

"Hi Alice," I said. "Is something wrong?" I was feeling uncomfortable under her unwavering gaze.

"No, no, everything's fine," she said in a chipper voice. "I was just watching you eat."

I raised an eyebrow. "Why?"

"It's fascinating."

I was completely puzzled by this point. "Alice, you see people eating every day. Why is this so special?"

"I never actually _watch_ them eat," she said. "Besides, it would be impolite to stare."

"You've been staring at me," I pointed out.

"Well I figured you wouldn't mind so much," she smiled. "Can I ask you a favor?"

"Um, I suppose so," I stammered, wondering what Alice could ever want from me.

"Well, this may sound a little strange, but will you promise me you won't take it the wrong way?" She was practically begging at this point.

"What is it Alice?"

"Well…" Her eyes wandered to my plate and then back to my face. "Could you chew with your mouth open? I'd love to see."

I stared blankly at her face. "What? Why would I do that?"

"Oh come on Bella, please?" Emmett asked.

"Yes, would you?" Alice was looking at me with eager anticipation.

"Why in the world would I do that?" I asked, still confused.

"Bella, I don't remember what it was like to chew regular food," Alice whined. "If you did it, and let me watch, it would be like me doing it!"

I was shocked and slightly appalled at the thought of eating with my mouth gaping open. After years of training myself to have good table manners, Alice wanted me to throw convention out the window for her personal enjoyment.

"Please?" Alice begged, her golden eyes pleading.

I thought it over and sighed. "Fine. But only for one bite, deal?"

Alice's face erupted in a large grin. "Anything you say!"

I scooped up a large bite of broccoli and rice with my fork and placed it in my mouth. I closed my eyes, not wanting to see everyone watching my every move, and began to chew with my mouth gaping wide open. It felt strange and I had to concentrate to keep my mouth from closing. Finally I managed to get the sloppy mess fairly ground up and I swallowed.

"Do it again!" Emmett said elatedly.

"Once is bad enough," I grimaced.

"Thank you Bella. That was fascinating." Alice's eyes were practically glowing with excitement.

I took a smaller bite of my food which now was no longer only soggy, but also becoming cold. I drank the last of my milk and pushed the plate away.

"I'm full," I announced. I wasn't exactly full, but I wasn't hungry any more, and I didn't know how much more I would be able to stand.

Edward took my plate and emptied the leftover food – enough for several meals of leftovers – into the disposal. He quickly washed the plate and my glass before returning to my side.

"How is your foot?" He asked, his topaz eyes full of compassion.

"It feels fine," I said while removing the towel from where it had been on my foot. The skin was pink where the water had landed. Thankfully the pain had almost subsided completely, and was now only a dull throbbing. "I'm sure it will be good as new in the mo-" A giant yawn broke me off mid-sentence. "In the morning, I mean."

"You should sleep. You've had a rough day, and I'm sure we have lots to do tomorrow." Edward carefully scooped me up from where I was sitting and held me in his cool arms.

"Goodnight Bella. I'll see you in the morning," Alice trilled as she swept gracefully out of the kitchen.

"G'night Bella. Don't let the bedbugs bite," Emmett grinned as he left behind Alice.

Edward took me up to his room where I changed and snuggled down under the covers of the large bed. With Edward by my side, it was only a matter of moments until I was fast asleep.

--

**HUGE thanks goes out to Still Can't Find What Keeps Me Here**** and**** kikat for their ideas which I tried to incorporate in the story. And thanks to everyone else for all of your ideas. You are one creative group of people! Some of the ideas I would love to use in the future, so keep an eye out for them! **

**Please review! As usual, I'll give you a cookie! **


	6. Chapter 6

**First of all I wanted to say that I'm sorry for not updating. It's been crazy around here, but things are now settling down to a more normal pattern now that I'm past graduation. To apologize, here's my longest chapter yet!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of the characters or stores/places/etc. mentioned.**

--

With Edward by my side, it was only a matter of moments until I was fast asleep.

_I knew I was dreaming. I had to be. That was the only explanation for what was going on. _

_I was on a plane. Not just any plane, but the plane we had taken home after our ordeal with the Volturi. Edward was holding me in his arms just like he had then, Alice was sitting on my other side. The same in-flight movie was playing and I even recognized the same man in the row across the aisle._

_I felt a shudder as the plane jerked and heaved in the air. The 'fasten seatbelts' light came on, and there was a scramble of activity as everyone tried to figure out what was going on. I buckled mine, and Edward wrapped his arm around my shoulders protectively._

"_What's wrong?" I asked, trying to keep the alarm from my voice._

"_The pilot isn't certain yet. He thinks that something might be wrong with the stabilizers."_

_I sat in silence and listened to the panicked babble of voices around me. The plane gave a violent lurch and there was a loud bang. The entire body of the plane began to rumble. Suddenly Edward unfastened my seatbelt and gathered me into his arms._

"_Did something change?"I asked._

_Before he could answer, a stewardess' voice came over the speakers. "Ladies and gentlemen, please remain calm. I regret to inform you that the fuel pump has given out, and the engines are struggling to function. The pilot is going to attempt to land the plane in a field, and I need everyone's cooperation. Please prepare yourselves for an emergency landing. Remain seated with your seatbelts on, and as soon as the plane stops moving, make your way to the emergency exits."_

_The panicked babble became a terrified racket. As the plane continued to rumble and shake, I could hear as passengers called out to their friends. I heard a few women crying, and even a man a few rows behind me saying the Lord's Prayer. I could feel the body of the plane angle itself downward as we began to hurtle towards the ground._

_Edward unfastened his seatbelt and held me closer to his chest._

"_What are you doing?" I asked. "She said we had to stay seated!"_

_He stood up and placed one foot just below the window, ready to kick the wall out. I could see the earth flying towards us at an alarming rate, and I knew that we were going to crash in a matter of seconds._

"_Ready to stumble around like the two luckiest survivors in history?"_

I awoke with a jerk. I could feel the soft pillow beneath my head, but the rumbling from the plane continued. It took me a few moments to realize that it was coming from Edward. He was pressed up against my back, growling.

I tried to speak, but I was still extremely tired and I only managed a small groan. The growling stopped, and Edward's arms pulled me closer.

"Shh," he soothed. "Go back to sleep."

He didn't have to ask me twice. I let myself relax and in a matter of seconds I was almost completely gone when a soft tapping at the door pulled me back.

Edward gave a soft growl, but it was cut off by more rapping on the door.

"Go away," he muttered quietly.

I tried to ask him what the person at the door wanted, but once again my foggy brain made it impossible.

"She needs to sleep."

I heard the door open and close. The next thing I knew, Alice had slinked into the room and was sitting cross-legged at the foot of the bed. She leaned forward and whispered something so quickly that I couldn't catch it.

"No," Edward said. His lips lightly brushed my ear.

I groaned and turned over so that I was facing Edward. "Huh?" I managed to say.

"Don't worry, she'll be gone soon enough and you'll be able to sleep again." Edward tried to kick Alice off of the end of the bed, but she easily dodged his shot. She nimbly climbed up towards the head of the bed and perched herself over me, supporting her weight with her hands placed on either side of my shoulders.

"Bella," she whispered furiously, her face inches away from my own. "Wake up!"

"Go away," I groaned. I tried to roll over to move away from her, but in my haste I knocked into her arm. She fell into the bed between Edward and me with a small thump.

"Hmm, I always wanted to know what a threesome felt like. It's… comfy," she mused as Edward began to growl again.

"Oh, hush," she said, turning herself towards me. "Bella, listen. I know it's early, but this really can't wait!"

"Yes it can, Alice. This is ridiculous," Edward snarled.

"What time is it?" I managed to ask.

"Three forty-seven, but that's not important. What_ is_ important is the fact that if we don't leave soon, then we'll never get there and back on time!"

"What? Where?" I was having a hard time understanding what was going on. My mind was still asleep and was struggling to keep up.

"We're going shopping!" Alice said excitedly.

"No you're not," Edward protested. "You're leaving, and Bella is going to keep sleeping."

"Edward, you get her every night. It's time you learned how to share. Besides, she can keep sleeping in the car." Alice turned to face me. "Please? Just this once and I promise you won't have to go shopping with me for the rest of the week." Her eyes were pleading.

"Is Edward coming?" I would probably need my own personal angel there with me if I wanted to survive the shopping antics of Alice in the wee hours of the morning.

"Of course not, silly," Alice said. "It will be just you and me! And maybe Jasper. We'll need someone to carry the bags."

"Can't Edward carry the bags?" I was searching for a reason to get him to come along.

"Of course I can," Edward answered.

"No he can't!" Alice cut in. "He would be hanging all over you the entire time and I wouldn't get any time with you to myself. Besides, Edward couldn't keep himself occupied in a store if he tried."

"It's not my fault that you like to try on every article of clothing they offer," Edward retorted.

Alice scowled. "It's not my fault that you have the attention span of a two year old! Please Bella? Just this once?"

I sighed. "Okay, but I'm not going to have any fun."

"That's the spirit!" Alice exclaimed as she sat up in the bed. "Get dressed and be downstairs in ten minutes. I'll be waiting." She wiggled her way to the foot of the bed and lithely slid out of the room, leaving me alone once again with Edward.

"You didn't have to do that, you know," he said.

"I know." I rolled over in the bed and worked to get myself untangled from the sheets. I slid my feet out, stood up, and stretched. "I just wanted to make her happy."

"You're always doing that. You should try making yourself happy for once." Edward had gotten out of the bed and was standing at my side.

I craned my neck up and kissed him on the cheek. "I _am_ happy."

He wrapped his arms around me and kissed my forehead. "I'm happy too."

I put my arms around his torso and embraced him securely. We stood holding each other for a moment before Alice's voice interrupted us.

"You have eight and a half minutes!"

Edward sighed. "You had better get going. She doesn't like to wait."

I pulled myself away from him and grabbed a pair of jeans and a t-shirt out of my bag. I went into the bathroom and got ready for whatever Alice had planned for this shopping trip. Since we were getting up so early, I was certain that it would be somewhere far away.

A thought crossed my mind. It would be far away – but how far? I wouldn't put it past Alice to charter a plane to take us half way around the world just for some personal shopping enjoyment. But she had said something about sleeping in the car, right? So a plane was out – for part of the trip at least. I wasn't sure if I really wanted to go on a plane anyways right after my dream. I tried not to think about it any more than was necessary.

I left the bathroom and grabbed my little-used purse from the couch where I had left it the night before. I didn't have a lot of money with me, but Alice would surely want to pay for me, no matter how much I complained. I did a quick scan of the dark room to make sure I wasn't forgetting anything and headed down the stairs.

Alice was waiting for me near the door. Her eyes were glued to the clock, and she was tapping her foot impatiently. She looked up at me as I was on the last step.

"Thirty-eight seconds early. Good job." She smiled.

"Uh, thanks." I wasn't sure how to respond to that. Who would've guessed that Alice was so picky about the time this early in the morning? "Are you ready to go?"

"Yes. We're just waiting for Jasper. He's bringing the car around."

I nodded silently and yawned. It was too early to be up and about, and I hopped that Alice didn't plan on making this a long day so that I could have time to rest when we got back.

Alice didn't miss my yawn. She went into the living room and came back with a large fluffy blanket and handed it to me.

"You can go back to sleep once we get going. I just didn't want us to come back too late to do something tonight." Alice sounded like she was apologizing.

I unexpectedly felt a pair of cold marble arms wrap themselves around me from behind. I could smell Edward's appealing scent as he pulled me close.

"I'm going to miss you," his velvety voice said into my ear.

I turned myself around so that I could see him properly, not wanting to miss a single moment. I knew I would have to go all day without seeing him, so I tried to absorb every detail of his face that I could.

"I'm going to miss you too," I said while embracing him.

He smiled. "Try to keep yourself out of trouble. I'll see you when you get home." With that, he scooped me and the blanket into his arms. I felt like a baby, but it was oddly comforting.

"Guys, wait!" Emmett's voice boomed down the stairs. I heard a rumble and saw him run down the stairs at breakneck speed. He glanced over all of us. "Where's Jasper?"

"Right here." I hadn't noticed that the door had opened and Jasper was now waiting for us.

"Dude, you have to do something for me. Come outside quick a minute and I'll tell you." Emmett grabbed Jasper's shoulder and pushed him outside of the door.

"Come on guys, we're twenty-two seconds behind schedule," Alice announced, looking sullenly at the clock.

Edward carried me out the front door and took me into the darkness outside to where Carlisle's black Mercedes was waiting. He managed to open the door without even moving his grip on me, and gently placed me in the back seat.

"Try to sleep. Alice is planning something for tonight, and you'll probably want to have as much rest as you can." Edward gave me a quick kiss on my cheek.

"I love you," I told him.

"I love you too." He smiled at me and shut the door.

I watched through the window as Edward left the car to go stand by the door of the house. Alice snuck past him and gracefully ran to the car. She said something in Jasper's direction before getting into the passengers' seat.

I noticed Jasper and Emmett talking a few feet away from the car. Emmett was talking animatedly while Jasper was shaking his head. Finally something seemed to be settled and Emmett handed something small to Jasper, which he quickly tucked into his pocket. Jasper ran to the car and slid into the driver's seat and started the engine.

Alice turned around in her seat to face me. "You should try to sleep. We're going to be driving for a few hours, so you may as well get some rest now."

I nodded and wrapped the blanket around myself. Through the window I could see Edward standing by the door as the car pulled away. His face was calm and showed no emotion, but the look in his eyes and his posture told me that he wasn't happy that I was being stolen away from him. I stretched out in the seat and closed my eyes. The darkness of my surroundings and the gentle hum of the engine soon lulled me into a dreamless sleep.

It seemed like I had only been sleeping for a few minutes when I felt Alice gently shaking my leg.

"It's time for you to wake up. We're going to stop for breakfast," she informed me.

I forced myself to open my eyes to look at where we were. I sat up in the seat and looked out the window. From the looks of it, we were in a small town that couldn't have been much bigger than Forks. There were a few fast food chains dotting the busy road we were on, and a few mom-and-pop businesses. Jasper pulled the car into a parking lot of a small diner.

"Where are we?" I asked while rubbing my eyes.

"Just a quick stop. We've still got about an hour to go," Jasper answered.

Alice ordered me breakfast while I used the restroom. We sat at a corner table and chatted while we waited for my food. I asked Alice about where we were going, but she wouldn't tell me a thing. Soon enough a waitress appeared and placed a large plate filled with eggs, bacon, and hash browns in front of me. I ate quickly, wanting to figure out where we were. When I was finished, Jasper placed some money on the table and we hit the road once again.

Alice slid into the back seat with me and we chatted while Jasper drove in silence. Alice kept me hanging on her every word by telling me stories of the Cullen family. She laughed about the time that Emmett had accidentally run straight through the side of a barn when he and Edward were playing tag, and sulked about the time when she was out shopping and forgot her credit card in her car and it was too sunny to go outside to get it. Talking to Alice was easy. She could launch into a story with such enthusiasm that it was hard to not be caught up in it. She was just describing a time when Esme had accidentally purchased bright orange carpet instead of white when Jasper stopped the car and turned it off.

I had been too wrapped up in Alice's stories to notice where we had arrived. We were in a parking lot in front of a mall. I could read the words "Big Mountain Shopping Complex" on the building over top of the entrance doors.

"This is our destination?" I asked, wondering if this was just another quick stop.

"Yes it is," Alice said while pulling me by my hand out of the car. "I knew you'd throw a fit if I took you somewhere big, but this place has everything we need."

I was relieved that she hadn't taken me someplace too big or fancy. Besides, in a small mall like this one, how much damage could she do? With no fancy boutiques at her disposal, it was possible that I might even enjoy myself.

Alice continued to drag me by my hand to the front doors. There was a large awning over the entrance, and signs plastered every window, making it difficult to see inside. We entered, and Alice veered to the left, towing me behind. There were very few shoppers around, so I figured it must be slow at this time in the morning. She finally stopped in front of a large sporting goods store. It had to be at least ten times larger than the Newton's store.

Jasper sat down on a bench just outside of the store and pulled out a book. Alice gave him a quick smile and pulled me into the store.

Alice was like a machine when she shopped. She'd pick something up, look it over, and make a decision if she wanted it or not, all within a second. We flew through aisles of T-shirts and shorts, a few of which making their way into her arms. Whenever I fell behind, she'd grab my hand again and pull me along. We made our way through rows of tennis shoes and athletic clothing. We were about to head down yet another aisle when Alice stopped.

We were in a row of swimming suits. There were suits of every kind and color, hanging in rows all the way up to the ceiling. Alice handed me the pile of items in her hands and started grabbing suit after suit. I just stood there, staring. She was nearly half way down the row when I found my voice.

"Alice! What are you doing? I have a swimming suit already," I groaned.

She stopped in her tracks and turned to face me. "You call that a swimming suit? I saw it in your dresser. It's hideous!"

My suit was very plain – a dark green one-piece. It was simple, and not too revealing. It was nothing special, but it was suitable for me, and I was comfortable wearing it. Well, I was as comfortable as I'd ever be wearing nothing but a small piece of material.

"There is nothing wrong with my swimming suit. I don't have any idea what you're talking about," I objected.

"There is _everything_ wrong with that suit, which is why you need a new one." Alice ignored my continued protests and turned back to the task at hand. She continued snatching up new swimming suits until she could hardly carry any more.

"There," she announced at the end of the row. "That should be enough for now. Now the real fun starts!"

Alice somehow managed to grab my hand without dropping anything and flounced off to the dressing rooms with me slogging behind her. She pulled me into one of them and placed her pile of swimming suits in one corner. I put my stack of items down as well.

"Now Bella, I want you to put on every single one of these," she said while pointing to the stack of swimming suits, "else I won't let you leave." To make herself clear she sat down in the chair facing my dressing room and crossed her arms.

I groaned, but I knew there was nothing I could do about it. Alice will be Alice. I shut the door to the dressing room and got down to business. I looked through the stack, my grimace growing as I did so. The suits she had picked out could hardly be considered clothing at all. It looked to me like rabid animals had gotten hold of decent swimming suits and torn them to shreds, leaving only a bare minimum of usable clothing behind. There wasn't an entire one-piece suit in the stack. Some of the tops were so revealing that I thought I'd surely die of embarrassment if I wore them, and many of the bottoms weren't any better.

I picked up the first hanger on the pile. A strappy little red thing was hanging from it. I attempted to put it on, tussling with the so-called "straps" of the top section which would have been better classified as dental floss. I put the bottoms on over my underwear as the sign on the dressing room wall instructed. After some wrestling and struggling I was fairly certain that I had it on correctly.

"Alice," I groaned.

"What's the matter?" Her chipper voice sounded mildly amused.

"Where's the rest?"

"The rest of what? You can't be done with all of them yet – you haven't even shown me a single one."

"Where's the rest of the suit?" I clarified.

"Did you lose part of it?"

"This was all there was."

"Come out and show me, it can't be that bad," Alice urged.

I opened the door, and Alice looked me over from head to toe. The so-called swimming suit was a very skimpy red bikini. It showed off more than should be legal, and was held together by little more than a hope and a prayer.

"I like it," Alice said. "Although I don't think red is your color." She brushed past me into the dressing room and removed every red swimming suit from my pile and hung them on a rack outside of the door.

"Alice, you can't be serious," I griped. "This can't even be considered clothing."

"It's technically not clothing. It's sporting equipment." She pointed to the sign hanging over the department.

"I don't care. I'm not wearing this." I shut the door to the dressing room and proceeded to maneuver my way out of it.

"You don't have to wear that one. There are plenty more choices in there for you," Alice said.

"Alice, I'm not going to wear these, and there's no way you can make me," I declared.

"Remember what I said? You have to try on every one of them else we're not leaving." Alice's voice sounded smug.

I groaned. "I'll try them on, but I'll only show them to you if I like them. Deal?"

Alice was silent for a moment. "Fine," she conceded, "but I get the final say."

I muttered something about "cruel and unusual punishment" as I began working my way through the pile. There were suits of every cut and color, and I tried them all on as quickly as possible. Many were so revealing that it made me blush just by looking at myself in the mirror. A few were less revealing, but I still didn't feel comfortable enough to show them to Alice, much less an entire beach or pool full of people.

I was almost at the end when I found one that had promise. It was a black bikini with small pink flowers. The top was a halter with a high neckline that suited me, and the bottoms looked like a very small pair of shorts. It hugged my almost non-existent curves and I marveled at the figure it gave me. I looked at myself in the mirror a final time before opening the door to show Alice.

"I love it!" she exclaimed. "Hmm, but I think I know how to make it better. Hang on."

Alice jumped up out of her chair and ran out of the dressing room area. I stood there looking at the pattern in the carpet until she came back, a different swimming suit in her hands. This one was exactly like the one I wore, except it was dark blue and had white flowers instead of pink.

"Edward will love it," Alice smiled.

Alice hung up all of my rejects while I changed back into my clothes. I was happy to finally be done, and also content with my new suit. I wouldn't have thought it was possible, but I was grateful to Alice for making me step out of my regular rut to try something new. I grabbed all of our purchases and met Alice up at the cash registers where she paid for it all. We met up with Jasper outside of the store where Alice handed him our bag.

"So much to do, and so little time to do it!" Alice exclaimed while grabbing my hand once again and pulling me onward through the mall.

--

**My original plan was to do the entire shopping trip in one chapter, but I got this far and figured that 10 pages was long enough. Plus, I'm leaving in two days for a wedding, and I won't be back for a week – so I wanted to get a chapter up before I left and had to make the wait even longer. I know that shopping with Alice is extremely cliché, but I had some great moments planned floating around in my head that really needed to be let out. Part two of the trip will be in the next chapter!**

**Did you enjoy this chapter? Did you hate it? What can I do better? Please review! I'll give you a cookie. :) **


End file.
